All About Ms. World's World

What I Want & His Heart is Awesome!

 

What I really want is to complete my "shitty first draft" of my book project and formulate a near term plan for my life but that hasn't happened yet! So, what I want right now is the book above!

I've returned to the travel section of the bookstore and it isn't a good thing. I'm getting nostalgic. I'm getting worked up about places such as Tunisia, Kolkatta, and Ghana.

In television news, I'll admit that I watched Dateline's interview with pop star Britney Spears. As I watched the interview, I realized that the U.S.A. education system (K-12) has failed many people in our society. Why can't Britney talk intelligently? Matt Lauer, co-host of the morning talk show Today, asked Ms. Spears about the qualities that she values in her husband wanna-be rapper Kevin Federline, she said, "His heart is awesome." Yeah, ok!

I feel sorry for Britney because the U.S. tabloids have been very mean to her in the past few months. I check out Us weekly from the library and read Star as I stand in line for groceries, so I know these things. Of course, she couldn't have known that marrying someone who seems very loser-ish would bring on the contempt of American tabloids. I do think Britney needs some a little more media training so she doesn't chew gum and sound so dumb in TV interviews.

A Ms. World Music Confession

I have a horrible confession to make for someone who considers themselves an internationalist. I'm not feeling world music. I really want to be a world music fan. I long to hear music from different lands and have my being moved by the new rhythms and songs. But I don't.

The closest link I have to world music is my great appreciation for Bollywood music and Mr. Fela Kuti. However, I don't think "filmi" music is world music. Is it? I also know that Mr. Kuti isn't the lone African musical genius.

I do believe part of my world music dilemma is that I don't know anything about it. Where does a world music virgin began an initiation into this elite and eclectic club?

I feel like I'm missing a cultural link to many countries because I'm not plugged into their various music scenes. I also think I may come off as an American music snob or an American ignoramus due to my lack of global music knowledge.

The New Crack

My brother introduced it to me. It is crack for music lovers and IPOD users. It is iTunes Music Store. Last night I stayed up to 2am downloading music. This is the second time in a two-week period that I have done this.

I`m obsessed with finding the music of my childhood. The amazing 1970s soul and funk music which was the soundtrack for one of the most explosive decades for African-Americans. I grew up listening to Black music that could sustain one through the dark valleys of life. I don`t think Jay-Z or the Ciara could ever be my soundtrack through the darkness. Thank God for Kirk Franklin and Mary J. Blige (who was singing gospel on the title track on her My Life album).

I am now obsessed with Diva Aretha Franklin`s Sparkle soundtrack album which was produced by thee music master Mr. Curtis Mayfield. The movie and album was released when I was about five years old. I remember seeing the movie with a family member. I know everyone was pumping the album especially my Godmother. Aretha sounds amazing singing Mayfield`s songs. The background vocals rock. I ain`t going to lie that I had been sleeping on Mr. Mayfield`s musical genius and strong pro-Black music.

Here are some other soul music jewels that I found on iTunes are below.

Blessed by the Emotions

Miss Black America by Mr. Curtis Mayfield

It Won`t Be Long by gospel legend Mr. Andrae Crouch

Sadie by The Spinners

Slide by Slave

Got To Give It Up by Marvin Gaye

Me & Mrs. Jones by Billy Paul

Other seventies non-soul music I'm enjoying from iTunes includes the soundtrack of FAME, Green Day, Amerie, EPMD, John Legend, DeBarge, Rickie Lee Jones, and the Deele.

15 Things You May or May Not Know About Me

This list was influenced by Mr. Lyons.

1. I`m over 30 years old and I love it!

2. I have over 15 nicknames and alias, including Princess, The Word Girl, and West End Girl.

3. I own various albums by Bananarama.

4. I like to order vanilla lattes that are ``hot as hell`` from Starbucks & Seattle`s Best in various countries.

5. I make friends easily.

6. I don`t think I really understand heterosexual males.

7. I`m a little over trying to understand heterosexual males.

8. I`m very opinionated which sometimes is viewed for being bossy.

9. I know I`ve been very blessed in my life but I`m still a little bitter about some things such as the slavery of my ancestors, the bullshit game the U.S. has runs on African-Americans, and the fact that way too many people underestimated my brilliance.

10. I`m a weird mix of Christian piety and mad horniness.

11. I`ve been ``in love`` once.

12. I know if I wanted to lose my excess weight that I could do it but I'm clinging to the protection it gives me.

13. I like being a big girl because I think I can kick ass (if I need to) and it is very important to me that I can kick ass.   

14. I believe I'm a member of the first generation (born in the post-Civil Rights era) of African-Americans who actually had a somewhat fair shot at the American dream.

15. Sometimes I toy with the idea of joining the Peace Corps.   

Right Now

The second part of 15 Stages or The Story of My life, The Short Version is taking forever to write. Honestly, I was overwhelmed by the response that Part 1 received. I figured somebody may feel it but I got so much love that it was a bit of a shock. I`ve been a little nervous about writing the rest of the African-American Bollywood saga that is my life. However, I`m getting over it. I really feel a need to write about my life right now because I know I`m ending another phase of it.

In late July, I will be ending the fifteenth phase of my life. Lately, I ride my bike around Toyama City and sometimes marvel about the fact that I`m here. I can`t believe the underestimated, smart, bookish, cute, fat Black girl who grew up across the street from the projects has gotten so far. I know I could do it but sometimes I still can`t believe I actually did it.

I`m getting very excited about my new phase of life. Everything is finally becoming very real. Yesterday, I brought airline tickets which will ferry me out of Japan to Hong Kong. I`m staying in Hong Kong for a few days then it is off to Bangkok via an Air Asia flight from Macau. I finally sorted out various tourist visa matters and am in the process of working on my resume. However, I know I need to concentrate on my current reality. I need to live in the moment and savor all the texture and emotion of my Japanese life. Sometimes it is very difficult for me to stay in the present. I`m a dreamer by nature and a doer out of necessity and envy. I`m working very hard to be present right now.

I also feel like my future is so bright that I need to wear shades. And I love feeling that way.

Part 1: 15 Stages or The Story of My life, The Short Version

1.Birth - Grade 2 in Elementary School

This is the best part of my story. I was born into love. I was raised in the bosom of my maternal family. I was also a daddy's girl. I have great memories of waking up on Christmas Day to run down the stairs to a living room covered with gifts for my brother and I. My grandmother hosted barbecue parties in the summer which were legendary in our neighborhood. My mother was always taking my brother and I to the library, museums, zoo, movies, and theater productions at the local university in an effort to expose us to the world. I would gaze upon the stars from the window in my bedroom and pray to God that I would be able to see the world when I was older. I remember having a very clear sense of self at the age of seven. I remember so much of my beautiful childhood that the next phase brings tears to my eyes.

2. Grade 3- 6

I became officially fat during this period. I got called "fat," along with every other world in the dictionary by my classmates. Fat pig, Fat dog, etc. etc. My parents marriage was cracking. I left parochial school after third grade due to financial issues. As a fourth grader, I rode #27 city bus to Chase Intermediate School which was located in a predominately white area. I had my first white best friend named Wendy B. I invited her over to my house to hang out and stay overnight. Wendy's parents needed to officially meet me before they would consent to her coming to the all-Black part of town where I lived. Wendy was a little nervous about coming to my neighborhood too. When she finally came to my home to visit and stay overnight, nothing dramatic happened. The Black people in my neighborhood didn't take much notice of her. We hung out at my grandmother's house and went to the Union Terminal. I realized at Chase Intermediate School that I was being taught the same math lessons which I had learned at catholic school. I took a test for my hometown's most selective public school. I failed the math portion. I received the results and cried because I knew it would be hard for me to get a high quality education at the regular city schools. I discovered Musical Youth and England during this time. I read voraciously.

3. Junior High School

I attended a junior high school in my all-Black working class community. The white students who attended my junior high school were from an all-white working class area. It was a school filled with poor kids who were receiving a shitty quality education. I knew this when I was in the seventh grade! I was in the highest level classes. I made all A's except in physical education (I made a B). I won every academic award in the school. I worked as a library helper. I read all the time even during lunch time at school. My classmates made fun of my voracious reading appetite and my London pin which I wore on my semi-fashionable clothes. My best friend was Angelique M. She was a great best friend. I would visit her and talk about wanting to live in New York City or California. I was in love with a classmate named Itko (pronounced I-tee-ko). I was obsessed with losing weight. Every summer I would pledge to lose at least 50 lbs by the beginning of the new school year. I would try to exercise for 3-5 hours a day. I never lost any weight during the summers. Every August, I would cry in the bathroom because I was still fat. I was also had unfashionable clothes. I felt like the ugliest person alive. I was ashamed of myself because I was fat. Sometimes I just wanted to die. After two years in my neighborhood junior high school, I knew I needed to get out. I was in pre-Algebra classes for two years. I was only assigned two books to read, Treasure Island and The Witch of Blackbird Pond, in my eighth grade English course. I never had lots of challenging homework to do like the kids on The Brady Bunch. My low quality education wasn't going to prepare me for Columbia University or any other top colleges in the U.S. which I read about in Lisa Birnbach's College Book guide. I longed for a fair chance to fulfill my potential. I started calling various Catholic schools in my area. One day when I was looking through a newspaper, I saw an ad about testing for this private school. I called the school inquiring about information. I was 14 years old. My mother used her last $20 in her wallet to pay for my test at the private school. I knew I had to do well because my mother didn't have $20 to give away. I did well on every area except math. The private school cost about $12,000 USD a year plus books and supplies in 1986. I received a partial scholarship from a local private organization modeled on A Better Chance organization. 

4. High School

All I wanted to do on a September day in 1986 was to survive my first day at the private school. The school was located in the richest neighborhood in my city. I was dressed in my finest and newest outfit and shoes. This Is It by Kenny Loggins played on the oldies radio station. I thought it was the appropriate song for this pivotal moment in my life. High school wasn't just high school for me. I knew as a ninth grader that entering the gilded halls of Country Day School would change my life. I knew I was in the position to attain the education which I desperately needed to leave the Midwest behind for a top college. This rich kid's privilege was going to be my salvation. I was 1 out of 3 African-American students in my class. Many of my classmates turned 16 years old and received a BMW, Volkswagen Jetta, Honda, Audi, and even a Porsche as a birthday present. I lived in a neighborhood that most of my classmates had never visited. The yellow bus wouldn't come to my neighborhood to pick me up for school. I woke up around 6:30am to get ready for school and take a city bus to another neighborhood where I would catch the yellow bus and ride for 30 minutes to Country Day School. Most of the kids on the yellow bus were African-American. I received B's and a few C's at school. I was in hell, socially. I just didn't fit in. I wasn't rich. I wasn't white. I wasn't thin. I wasn't an East Asian or South Asian child of doctors who could pretend that being non-white wasn't an issue. I was an African-American feminist, liberal, internationalist, pro-abortion rights, Equal Rights Amendment supporter, Baptist raised, book lover. I listened to Scritti Politti, Culture Club, and B52s. I still felt ugly. I still felt ashamed of my body-size. My moods verged from hopeful to suicidal all within a day. I felt like the character Allison in The Breakfast Club. I got a job at a book store during my sophomore year. I worked on Monday and Thursday nights and the weekends. I learned so much working there. It was great to have my own money and help my mother out. I used to give my little brother money to take his girlfriends to the movies. I spent my earnings on books, music, movies, and magazines. I was still dreaming of London, New York City, Los Angeles, and many European lands. I spent one summer working at the bookstore and reading travel guides. I was so desperate to see the world that reading about it in Let's Go , Frommers, and, Rough Guide temporarily satiated my wanderlust. My sophomore year a girl from England named C. came to Country Day. I loved talking to C. because she was English. She once commented that I talked about London like I had been there. C. stopped talking with me once she was in with the popular group. I was in love with brothers. The oldest brother was C. who was a senior during my first year at Country Day. The youngest brother was D. who was one or two years ahead of me. They were from an African-American upper-middle class family. I didn't have a chance in the world with C. Nothing ever happened with D. who was the screw-up son of the Talented Tenth family. I was planning to apply to the following colleges: Sarah Lawrence,Bard,Emerson, Wesleyan University,and Pitzer. I wanted to attend a college with a filmmaking program, a liberal atmosphere, and study abroad programs. The safety school which I really never ever wanted to attend was Miami University. Some people in my community wanted me to attend Spelman College. However, I felt I was a little too eccentric for an all-Black school. My Godmother didn't believe I could get into my top college choices. She also didn't believe I'd ever leave the Midwest. My college advisor/homeroom teacher telephoned my mother to voice her concern over my selective list of out of state liberal arts colleges. My mother told my college advisor that she trusted my decisions. My father and stepmother didn't want to fill out financial aid forms. The tussle over this issue led me to have a mini-breakdown on the telephone at school. I applied early decision to Sarah Lawrence College in the fall of 1989. I received my acceptance letter and financial aid package a few days before Christmas break. It was one of the best Christmas gifts I've ever received.

My Top 25 Music- What does it say about me?

My mother and brother gave me a great Christmas gift last year-an IPOD. And I'm loving it! I had been planning to buy an IPOD due to my upcoming travel plans. I realized that I needed a compact music system on my trip to Australia last summer. It was such a hassle to lug around my CD case, CD player, headphones, and batteries. I knew I would eventually have to join the IPOD revolution, if I was planning to travel around Southeast Asia cheaply which sometimes means spending tons of time in random international airports.

I like music but I don't know if my music choices symbolize some secret knowledge about myself. Some people swear by their music choices as if it is a religion and their like of such and such band guarantees them a spot in music heaven. IPOD lovers seem to like to make lists of their music. I usually don't like to follow people but I'll join this club for now.

Here is my Top 25 Most Played Songs on Ms. World's IPOD.

-There'll Never Be by Switch - I'll be playing this at my wedding for sure. It is an 70s classic RnB jam.

-Let the Music Play by Charles Earland (12 inch) -Another 70s disco jazz tune which was featured on the Young Soul Rebels movie soundtrack. Young Soul Rebels was an Black British film by Isaac Julien. I have a serious love affair with the Brits.

-What's New by Linda Ronstadt & the Nelson Riddle Orchestra- She did an album of old band covers in 1984. I loved her rendition of this song.

-Who I Am by Brandy -I asked my brother to send me Brandy's latest album. "I don't listen to Brandy," he replied. Well, he should listen to Brandy because her latest album is great.

-My Old School by Steely Dan - I have a bad Steely Dan jones! I love this song because it reminds me of college. "I remember the 35 sweet goodbyes, when you put me on the wolverine to Annandale." Donald Fagen went to Bard College in Annadale-On-The-Hudson, New York. I was going to apply to Bard but got accepted early decision at Sarah Lawrence.

-Around the Way Girl by LLCoolJ -This was my jam during my freshman year at Sarah Lawrence. Now, I listen to the song and I have tears in my eyes. I can't believe time flies so fast.

-Fat Lip by Sum 41- I think the Guyana-Canadian dude is cute and I like this song.

-Check the Rhyme by A Tribe Called Quest- They were amazing back in the day. This song reminds me of sophomore year at Sarah Lawrence.

-Ain't Nothin But a G Thang by Dr. Dre & Snoop -Remember The Chronic Album. I think this song dropped when I was studying in Florence, Italy during my junior year at Sarah Lawrence.

-Bonita Applebum by A Tribe Called Quest- This song was supposed to be called Chinita Applebum!

-Butterflies by Floetry- Those girls are amazing!

-Girls On Film by Duran Duran- This is one of my favorite Duran songs.

-Brazilian Rhyme (Interlude) by Earth Wind & Fire -This short musical interlude speaks to my soul and gets me dancing even on my bike!

-Move Your Feet by Junior Senior- British dance music that makes me happy when I hear it.

-Talk About Our Love by Brandy - I'm really feeling Brandy!

-D.I.D.D.Y. by P. Diddy -I like the BDP beat that he used! "The J-I-M-M-Y, its Jimmy, its Jimmy, word up!"

-Brown Sugar (fine mix) by Mos Def - This is from the Brown Sugar movie soundtrack. I love that film. This song has me moving everytime I hear it.

-Black Girl by Lenny Kravitz - This is one of my favorite songs about Black women. I like the fact that he doesn't mention sex. I must say that I prefer the hippy Lenny to the rocked out Lenny.

-Excuse Me Miss by Jay-Z - I don't consider myself a huge Jay-Z fan but I love this song! It makes me dance!

-Frontin by Neptunes - This was my jam two summers ago.

-Sweet Spirit by Kirk Franklin & God's Property -I usually listen to gospel music when I'm riding my bike to work.

-Once You Get Started by Rufus & Chaka Khan- Rufus & Chaka were tha shit! Unfortunately, people don't make soul music like that anymore!

-I've Seen It All by Bjork - My Cousin Ryumi loves to sing this at karaoke. This song blows my mind on various levels.

-Shadow Dancing by Andy Gibb- My parents took me to Saturday Night Fever when I l was little. I loved the soundtrack. I also was digging Andy Gibb!

-West End Girls by Pet Shop Boys- This was my jam in junior high school because I was a born and raised West End Girl (in the Midwest). I loved the ambience of this song. The song is about London which got me all excited and emotional when I was 14 years old and dreaming of visiting there. I really longed to be a big city girl when I was a teenager. I hated growing up in the Midwest then.

My new lust!

I'm a born groupie! I was also born to be a cheerleader! I think my groupie-ness is in kinship with my inner cheerleader-ness.

I spent last Friday night hanging out with Chinatown Spice in the hood of Namerikawa. I was browsing some magazines in her possession when I stumbled upon it. My new lust. My new sensation... Naveen Andrews!

He is hot and into older women. I would have never guessed that Andrews was the long-term boyfriend of actress Barbara Hershey who is 50-years old. Hershey played the neurotic younger sister in Woody Allen's Hannah and Her Sisters. (I love Woody Allen movies especially Annie Hall & Manhattan.) I'm not an older woman but I like the fact that Andrews isn't into 19 year-old beauty queens.

This is my lusting list.

1. Taye Diggs who has been receiving mean letters regarding his interracial marriage. Everybody loves the chocolate and some of us chocolate sisters don't think there is enough to go around but I hope we ain`t hating on Taye!

2. Abihishek Bachchan- The finest Bollywood actor on the planet. He can't act but it doesn't matter!

3. Usher - I don't think I really have to explain this. It is all about his body!

4. Naveen Andrews- I think he needs to be converted by some brown sugar loving!

5. Kofi Annan- He is a fine older gentleman. I have to get rid of his wife first. She is a Swede and I love those folks. I don't think I'll interfere in their UN love unity.

6. Vivek Oberoi- Another fine Bollywood actor but he may actually be able to act! He is also on the browner side of the desi color scheme.

7. Mos Def - I've been feeling him since 1998! He is sooo talented and interesting but I heard he has strings attached. 

8. Kaname Kawabata- He is a member of Chemistry, a Japanese pop RnBish duo. They sound like a mellower Japanese Jodeci. He can sang ;) He is a sexxy Japanese brother.

9. Robi Draco Rosa- He is thee Puerto Rican stud. He was my favorite Menudo member!

10. Prince William of Britian - I have a royal fetish. Please forgive me!

Other notable lusts: Prince Felipe of Spain, Japanese actor Ken Watanbe, musician Ziggy Marley, senator Barack Obama, India's national cricket team, TV journalist and 60 Minutes presenter Ed Bradley, ex-Pakistani cricket sensation Imran Khan, African actor Djimon Hounsou, British actor Jude Law, French soccer star Thierry Henry, 

What do we know from this list? Ms. World likes colored men and European royalty. My poor family has no clue whom I'll bring home after 2 1/2 years of traveling around the world. ;)

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p.s. I must add that I wish more African-American middle class women would look beyond their four corners of the world for potential romantic prospects. I will never give into the idea that their aren't enough men to go around. However, I think class issues are impeding the union and growth of Black love.

I'm also sick of this idea that seems prevalent in the African-American community that interracial relationships are defined as a Black/white coupling. There is a whole world out there and I hope more of us, especially Black women explore it!