All About Ms. World's World

Right Now

The second part of 15 Stages or The Story of My life, The Short Version is taking forever to write. Honestly, I was overwhelmed by the response that Part 1 received. I figured somebody may feel it but I got so much love that it was a bit of a shock. I`ve been a little nervous about writing the rest of the African-American Bollywood saga that is my life. However, I`m getting over it. I really feel a need to write about my life right now because I know I`m ending another phase of it.

In late July, I will be ending the fifteenth phase of my life. Lately, I ride my bike around Toyama City and sometimes marvel about the fact that I`m here. I can`t believe the underestimated, smart, bookish, cute, fat Black girl who grew up across the street from the projects has gotten so far. I know I could do it but sometimes I still can`t believe I actually did it.

I`m getting very excited about my new phase of life. Everything is finally becoming very real. Yesterday, I brought airline tickets which will ferry me out of Japan to Hong Kong. I`m staying in Hong Kong for a few days then it is off to Bangkok via an Air Asia flight from Macau. I finally sorted out various tourist visa matters and am in the process of working on my resume. However, I know I need to concentrate on my current reality. I need to live in the moment and savor all the texture and emotion of my Japanese life. Sometimes it is very difficult for me to stay in the present. I`m a dreamer by nature and a doer out of necessity and envy. I`m working very hard to be present right now.

I also feel like my future is so bright that I need to wear shades. And I love feeling that way.

Part 1: 15 Stages or The Story of My life, The Short Version

1.Birth - Grade 2 in Elementary School

This is the best part of my story. I was born into love. I was raised in the bosom of my maternal family. I was also a daddy's girl. I have great memories of waking up on Christmas Day to run down the stairs to a living room covered with gifts for my brother and I. My grandmother hosted barbecue parties in the summer which were legendary in our neighborhood. My mother was always taking my brother and I to the library, museums, zoo, movies, and theater productions at the local university in an effort to expose us to the world. I would gaze upon the stars from the window in my bedroom and pray to God that I would be able to see the world when I was older. I remember having a very clear sense of self at the age of seven. I remember so much of my beautiful childhood that the next phase brings tears to my eyes.

2. Grade 3- 6

I became officially fat during this period. I got called "fat," along with every other world in the dictionary by my classmates. Fat pig, Fat dog, etc. etc. My parents marriage was cracking. I left parochial school after third grade due to financial issues. As a fourth grader, I rode #27 city bus to Chase Intermediate School which was located in a predominately white area. I had my first white best friend named Wendy B. I invited her over to my house to hang out and stay overnight. Wendy's parents needed to officially meet me before they would consent to her coming to the all-Black part of town where I lived. Wendy was a little nervous about coming to my neighborhood too. When she finally came to my home to visit and stay overnight, nothing dramatic happened. The Black people in my neighborhood didn't take much notice of her. We hung out at my grandmother's house and went to the Union Terminal. I realized at Chase Intermediate School that I was being taught the same math lessons which I had learned at catholic school. I took a test for my hometown's most selective public school. I failed the math portion. I received the results and cried because I knew it would be hard for me to get a high quality education at the regular city schools. I discovered Musical Youth and England during this time. I read voraciously.

3. Junior High School

I attended a junior high school in my all-Black working class community. The white students who attended my junior high school were from an all-white working class area. It was a school filled with poor kids who were receiving a shitty quality education. I knew this when I was in the seventh grade! I was in the highest level classes. I made all A's except in physical education (I made a B). I won every academic award in the school. I worked as a library helper. I read all the time even during lunch time at school. My classmates made fun of my voracious reading appetite and my London pin which I wore on my semi-fashionable clothes. My best friend was Angelique M. She was a great best friend. I would visit her and talk about wanting to live in New York City or California. I was in love with a classmate named Itko (pronounced I-tee-ko). I was obsessed with losing weight. Every summer I would pledge to lose at least 50 lbs by the beginning of the new school year. I would try to exercise for 3-5 hours a day. I never lost any weight during the summers. Every August, I would cry in the bathroom because I was still fat. I was also had unfashionable clothes. I felt like the ugliest person alive. I was ashamed of myself because I was fat. Sometimes I just wanted to die. After two years in my neighborhood junior high school, I knew I needed to get out. I was in pre-Algebra classes for two years. I was only assigned two books to read, Treasure Island and The Witch of Blackbird Pond, in my eighth grade English course. I never had lots of challenging homework to do like the kids on The Brady Bunch. My low quality education wasn't going to prepare me for Columbia University or any other top colleges in the U.S. which I read about in Lisa Birnbach's College Book guide. I longed for a fair chance to fulfill my potential. I started calling various Catholic schools in my area. One day when I was looking through a newspaper, I saw an ad about testing for this private school. I called the school inquiring about information. I was 14 years old. My mother used her last $20 in her wallet to pay for my test at the private school. I knew I had to do well because my mother didn't have $20 to give away. I did well on every area except math. The private school cost about $12,000 USD a year plus books and supplies in 1986. I received a partial scholarship from a local private organization modeled on A Better Chance organization. 

4. High School

All I wanted to do on a September day in 1986 was to survive my first day at the private school. The school was located in the richest neighborhood in my city. I was dressed in my finest and newest outfit and shoes. This Is It by Kenny Loggins played on the oldies radio station. I thought it was the appropriate song for this pivotal moment in my life. High school wasn't just high school for me. I knew as a ninth grader that entering the gilded halls of Country Day School would change my life. I knew I was in the position to attain the education which I desperately needed to leave the Midwest behind for a top college. This rich kid's privilege was going to be my salvation. I was 1 out of 3 African-American students in my class. Many of my classmates turned 16 years old and received a BMW, Volkswagen Jetta, Honda, Audi, and even a Porsche as a birthday present. I lived in a neighborhood that most of my classmates had never visited. The yellow bus wouldn't come to my neighborhood to pick me up for school. I woke up around 6:30am to get ready for school and take a city bus to another neighborhood where I would catch the yellow bus and ride for 30 minutes to Country Day School. Most of the kids on the yellow bus were African-American. I received B's and a few C's at school. I was in hell, socially. I just didn't fit in. I wasn't rich. I wasn't white. I wasn't thin. I wasn't an East Asian or South Asian child of doctors who could pretend that being non-white wasn't an issue. I was an African-American feminist, liberal, internationalist, pro-abortion rights, Equal Rights Amendment supporter, Baptist raised, book lover. I listened to Scritti Politti, Culture Club, and B52s. I still felt ugly. I still felt ashamed of my body-size. My moods verged from hopeful to suicidal all within a day. I felt like the character Allison in The Breakfast Club. I got a job at a book store during my sophomore year. I worked on Monday and Thursday nights and the weekends. I learned so much working there. It was great to have my own money and help my mother out. I used to give my little brother money to take his girlfriends to the movies. I spent my earnings on books, music, movies, and magazines. I was still dreaming of London, New York City, Los Angeles, and many European lands. I spent one summer working at the bookstore and reading travel guides. I was so desperate to see the world that reading about it in Let's Go , Frommers, and, Rough Guide temporarily satiated my wanderlust. My sophomore year a girl from England named C. came to Country Day. I loved talking to C. because she was English. She once commented that I talked about London like I had been there. C. stopped talking with me once she was in with the popular group. I was in love with brothers. The oldest brother was C. who was a senior during my first year at Country Day. The youngest brother was D. who was one or two years ahead of me. They were from an African-American upper-middle class family. I didn't have a chance in the world with C. Nothing ever happened with D. who was the screw-up son of the Talented Tenth family. I was planning to apply to the following colleges: Sarah Lawrence,Bard,Emerson, Wesleyan University,and Pitzer. I wanted to attend a college with a filmmaking program, a liberal atmosphere, and study abroad programs. The safety school which I really never ever wanted to attend was Miami University. Some people in my community wanted me to attend Spelman College. However, I felt I was a little too eccentric for an all-Black school. My Godmother didn't believe I could get into my top college choices. She also didn't believe I'd ever leave the Midwest. My college advisor/homeroom teacher telephoned my mother to voice her concern over my selective list of out of state liberal arts colleges. My mother told my college advisor that she trusted my decisions. My father and stepmother didn't want to fill out financial aid forms. The tussle over this issue led me to have a mini-breakdown on the telephone at school. I applied early decision to Sarah Lawrence College in the fall of 1989. I received my acceptance letter and financial aid package a few days before Christmas break. It was one of the best Christmas gifts I've ever received.

What I learned from America's Top Model Season 3

1. Don't be a Yaya! She is a strong, intelligent, and worldly beautiful Nigerian-American sister who I was rooting for in the beginning of the show. I don't know if they edited her footage to make her sound like a b*tch but in the end I couldn't stand her. She went on and on about her Ivy League education and her worldliness. I found her arrogance very obnoxious.

However, I'm afraid that I do have a little Yaya in me. I know I can go on and on about my high-quality education. I can go on and on and on about all of my gallivanting around the globe. I can also be a big know it all! My Cousin Jo said that I expect people to follow me which is true. However, no one besides Sexxy "I like teeth!" Jimmy follows me (and he only follows me to restaurants)! If I'm being a Yaya, please check me on and offline!

2. Don't be afraid to let your inner (D) Eva show! Yes, Eva came off as a b*tch but she was very clear about her mission. Eva came to win! Eva brought her best game to the table most of the time. People got jealous of her spunky self. People thought she was being a fake b*tch. However, I think Eva was being a young, spunky, sometime selfish, and insecure 19 year old. She was being herself no matter how nasty it came off. I loved Eva. I'm glad she won America's Top Model 3. I dig Yaya too but I don't think she was as "relate-able" as Eva. But Yaya will be on the cover of Vogue someday.

Go Black girls! I can't believe Ann made it to the top 4 which smelled like a conspiracy to me. I loved me some Toccara too! And I wish Julie would have stayed a little longer because I think America could handle an Indian-American top model. I was also feeling punk rock Nicole.

All about Ms. World

I`m desperately trying not to become an Internet/blogging fiend. I`ve been spending way too much of my time on Internet/blogging related things, such as reading blogs like newspapers or books, working on my blog, and listening to National Public Radio on the Internet.

I don`t like this behavior because it is making me a little anti-social. I always like my me time and make sure that I have enough of it. However, lately I`ve had way too much of me time sitting in front of a computer.

Last night, I made myself watch old episodes of the Apprentice TV show. I watched the episode when Ivana, the Asian-American chick, freaks out about an assignment. Then she solicits men to dare her to drop her skirt for $20 and a candy bar. I was completely horrified for her. Did she have a clue what image she was projecting of Asian-American women? Maybe I`m the only colored girl who thinks I`m representing the race in all of my interactions (because I know I am). It was painful for me to watch her.

Spring holiday, or break as it is known in America, is drawing near. Most of my friends are off on exotic excursions outside the land of the rising sun. I`m Toyama bound due to financial reasons.

I`m basically saving all of my money for my great Southeast Asia, India, & Africa tour commencing in August 2005. I`m motivated to hoard my money for a dream that I`ve nurtured for 26 years but sometimes delayed travel gratification can be a bitch! I have a little case of `I wanna go to!` blues. But I like to balance my whining with the fact that sooner than later I`ll be traveling so much that I might actually get sick of it. Is that possible?

I am going to take 4 days off from work and scamper around Toyama. I need a break from the school scene. I have no classes next week but I still have to show up and kill 7 hours. My Addictions/blogroll comrades may see a lot of comments from me about anything and everything. Is that possible?

I really want to watch some N.C.A.A. tournament basketball but I don`t know anyone with satellite TV in Toyama City. :(

Did I mention it is suppose to snow again? URGH! Yesterday, it was cold but I was able to leave my coat in the closet. I dread having to put back on my coat, gloves, thermal underwear, and snowboots.

What is the upside? There is always a lot of upside in my life because I`m Ms. World and I have a happiness gene. Hopefully, this evening I`ll drink up in honor of St. Paddy`s Day and eat yummy Japanese styled fried chicken with my Cousin Jo. I`ll get to watch more American TV with Chinatown Spice and the Miami Diva on Saturday. We will also get some writing done and break bread too.

I can do more work on planning my post-JET travels. China or Hong Kong? How long do I want to stay in Vietnam? Where should I get my Indian visa, Bangkok or in Japan? Should I really pursue my plan to travel to Iran or Lebanon due to the fermenting political situation involving the U.S.? Should I spend more time traveling around Japan?

I`ve been involved in some more food porn. Please enjoy the fray at Diva Saffron`s hot-spot!

Missing March madness

I'm an internationalist. I love living and traveling abroad. However, right now I would love to be able to watch the N.C.A.A. basketball tournament which begins this weekend in the U.S. I'm not a huge sports fan but I like basketball. And I love the excitement and unpredictability of the N.C.A.A. tournament. March madness can be very fun way to pass the dreary end of winter.

UPDATE: I'm no longer missing March madness! Technology can be a wonderful thing! On the advice of my brilliant little brother, I'm enjoying the N.C.A.A. men's baskeball games via College Sports video on demand telecasts. Last night I watched the Bucknell vs. Kansas game. It was great! My full-screen TV quality is lousy but I'm in Japan, so I won't complain too much.

I plan on watching all the upsets. Soon I'll tune into the University of Vermont vs. Syracuse & the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee games. I did my graduate studies at Indiana University-Bloomington, so I have a little Hoosier in me. But I since Indiana didn't make it this year, I'm rooting for University of Cincinnati or Ohio State University because my roots are planted there.

Ms. World Gets Mail & An Ode to Honey

I'm housebound for the weekend due to illness. I've got a wicked cold and scratchy sore throat. I'm also feeling very fatigued from a mad week.

I've visited my dealer, I mean doctor, twice this week to get prescription medicines. In Japan, the doctors prescribe enough drugs to make the Mexican cartel jealous. Sexxy Jimmy "I like butts!" Ng noted that Japanese doctors give you enough drugs to cover Grand Canyon. And we are only getting prescriptions to ward away the common cold.

However, I'm a very happy girl because I got mail! I got a huge box of videotapes from my brother. Thanks E.! Now I can catch up on all my favorite American TV programs.

My show is UPN's Girlfriends. I know people hate on UPN but I don't care. I enjoy some of their African-American programs. My brother doesn't watch UPN's Eve, All of Us, and Half& Half, so I'm missing out on some funny stuff.

He did tape America's Top Model, American Idol auditions, Law&Order, Cold Cases, C.S.I., Kevin Hill, Desperate Housewives, The Apprentice, and Amazing Race for me. I can't wait to lose a few brain cells from ODing on American TV.

My giddiness is on overload because I also got a small package of magazines from my mother. Thanks mom! Some of you may have figured out from my previous post/psychological meltdown that I love me some magazines.

I used to subscribe to over seven magazines in the U.S. My magazine racks were filled with everything from Essence to Vogue, The New Yorker to SAMAR (South Asian magazine for action and reflection), Oprah to Vanity Fair, Martha Stewart's Weddings to BITCH, and so on.

I currently have two overseas subscriptions, Bibi (a South Asian American bridal magazine-don't ask! ;) and Transition (an international review featuring an eclectic mix of articles and interviews on colored people). One of my writing goals is to get a piece published in Transition.

My mother sent me the three latest issues of my beloved Essence magazine (check it out here). I know some people hate on Essence but I love it. The magazine is committed to reaffirming African-American women in the land field which is American media. I even have an partial Essence wall in my Toyama abode.

My mother also sent me the latest issue of Suede magazine which is Essence magazine's hipper, cosmopolitan, and multicultural younger sister. I'm kind of feeling it. However, Suede only exists because of the original Honey founded and edited by Kierna Mayo and Joicelyn Dingle in the mid-90's.

Honey was tha shit!!! My homegirl Lady T. sent me a promotional issue while I was in Hoosier-land getting a master's degree. I drooled over it for weeks. It was the magazine I always wanted to create for young women like me. It was eclectic, clever, interesting, spirited, current, and visually amazing. Honey lasted several issues then died when Mayo and Dingle were pushed out of their editorial positions.

I love my Black woman magazines and I can't wait to cuddle up with my latest issues.

What does Jesus Christ mean?

I had a hectic day at school! I was in lesson planning hell trying to come up with an activity for who, that/which in the relative clauses form. The New Horizon textbooks that my school uses sucks. It introduces English grammar points in the most unnatural and awkward fashion.

I'm still trying to get the hang of blogging daily posts. I haven't found my writing groove yet. I think I'm being too self conscious ;)  I'm completely obsessed with getting my blog set up and ready to unveil to my family and friends. I spent yesterday uploading tons of photos.

I'm listening to the Amazing Race t.v. program. I love the fact that the African-American couple Chip and Kim won. They ran a good race and represented Black people well. It was nice to see a loving & positive portrayal of African-American relationships on the little screen. I like the Bowling Moms too. The models got on my nerves and Colin & Christy were frightening.

Yesterday, I had an interesting interaction. I was at K. Junior High School and the teacher who sits across from me asked me to explain some English words. First, he wanted to know what "I got it" meant, so I took a teddy bear on his desk and had him threw it at me. I yelled, "I got it!" and caught the teddy bear. The staff room got a kick out of that.

Then he asked me what "Jesus Christ" means. I was confused at first, does he want a religious explanation. I really needed to know the context that its being used in but I knew I wasn't going to get that information from him. So, I started to explain Jesus Christ as a religious figure by comparing him to Buddha. He looked very confused and I knew immediately that wasn't what he was talking about. I decided to explain "Jesus Christ" in the swearing context. The teacher is the soccer team advisor and he's always wearing Real Madrid sports gear. I explained Jesus Christ as a term that you would use if you lost a soccer game and was very mad at yourself. I think he got it. And trust me, he wasn't interested in a religious explanation. ;)

I always get asked the weirdest questions about the English language. People asks me things that I would never think to ask about a language. I'm only a ALT not a linguist. Back to the blog!

Keep reading because very soon I'll find my writing groove!